Hang in there

Sometimes life just gets overwhelming. It happens to us all: no matter how good your life is, it is not always sunshine and rainbows. I've come to believe that once you get through the dark times, you can look back and see the situation in a whole different light, and be thankful for the experience. It sure is hard being in the tunnel though.

We've had a rough week. Travis has been teething, and therefore cranky. I've been exhausted because I never sleep well without Ken, and we're into week 3 of Ken being in SATX (San Antonio, TX). Trav is fun, but being with an active, teething not-quite-toddler 24/7 with no break is not something I recommend. Yesterday, I bent down wrong when I picked Travis up, and now my back is aching something awful. I have a lot of respect for military moms and moms whose husbands travel, especially when they have multiple kids; it's hard enough keeping up with one.

I realize our problems are small in comparison with others struggling with much larger issues, and I haven't lost the sense of gratitude that I am able to stay home full time, and that I have an amazing and supportive husband. But sometimes, life just gets overwhelming, and change requires adjustment. It's times like these that I'm thankful for an awesome God to lean on. No, He doesn't make my back stop hurting miraculously, and no, He doesn't magically make everything better. But I feel his love, and when I am able to sit and be still once T is in bed, I sometimes feel myself wrapped up in the warm, comforting arms of the God who hand-crafted me. He then whispers two of my favorite verses in my ear and encourages me to hang on a little longer. Let me share them with you.

There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. ~Hosea 2:15

I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. ~Psalm 27:13

Throughout my life, God has whispered these verses over and over to me, reminding me that He is always with me, even in the dark of the tunnel, and giving me strength to continue on until I begin to see the bright light of the sunshine on the other side. Sometimes life just gets overwhelming, but if you hang on long enough, it soon rights itself, and you are able to more fully appreciate the light and the joy it brings. And maybe, just maybe, things get better than they were before.

Here's to making it through the tunnel, and having faith that the light at the end isn't a train.

Life and Another Video

I was recently asked for an update and more photos, so here you go! :-)

Ken has been working in San Antonio, so it's been me and the boy alone together Monday - Friday. It's hard being sole caregiver with no breaks and no relief except for naps and bedtime. I'm not the most social of people (did you know that about me?), so we mostly stay at the house. Also, Trav's been teething, so he's been cranky and whiny lately. Not a pleasant way to spend the days. However, we're hanging in there. Next week, we'll go visit Ken again. We have friends in SA, and there's a little pool at the hotel, and a Target nearby, so we should be plenty happy.

Ken's job is going well, but he's been very busy, and we weren't planning on him being gone like this. We visited last week, and I got to meet several of Ken's coworkers. Everyone was really friendly and geeky so I totally fit right in. One gal held Travis so Ken and I could eat lunch, and he never cried or anything. In fact, we couldn't find them when I was ready to leave, so we had to go looking for them. She had him with a bunch of girls cooing over him. Yeah, the little flirt is gonna be a ladies' man.

I found this really cool TV series (no longer going), it's called Digging for the Truth, and it was on the History channel hosted by a guy named Josh Bernstein. I have found each episode really fascinating, and whether you're into history or not, I think you'll find it entertaining.

You've politely read everything I've written, but I know you were hoping for some more videos of Travis, and I won't disappoint you. Here you go! Here is a video of T walking around the coffee table saying "Mama." He still doesn't realize I'm Mama, but it's cute anyhow.

I've added some more photos of Trav's room after I added some wall art. What do you think? I decided that I'm not fond of the blue that I chose, but it works and it's not worth repainting. It's a nice blue, it just doesn't have a lot of pizzazz, which I guess is fine for a kid's room. 

Closet wall

Above the closet

Family Photos

With Howard after their nap

Pooh in the rocking chair

Wall art and changing table

Please continue to pray for us during this rough time; Ken will be going to SA every week until probably mid-August, and then we should find out whether he will go back to the Austin office or what our next steps will be. 

Let's have a heart to heart

Sometimes I write blog posts in my head while walking or driving or trying to fall asleep, but they never seem to end up on the blog. I wonder, sometimes, if you want to hear about

1. how much I LOVE editing for our friend Todd at Assured Leadership, 
2. how happy I am to still have a foot in the Tech Writing world, 
3. how much I want to learn to design websites, but feel overwhelmed by the tools, or 
4. how much I want to use up the cute fabric piling up in my office, and 
5. how much I want to sell the things I make with my cute fabric so I can buy more cute fabric? 

Do you really want to know that I love staying home with Travis, but continually stress out about the dishes piling up or the fact that I feel like the worst cook in 3 counties so I try to avoid it even though secretly I love to cook and want to be successful?

I read some blog posts by friends of mine who are so freakin' funny (don't visit if you get offended easily) or so stinkin' creative or so dramatically descriptive that you want to go back day after day and read everything they post. And then I feel like a total slacker for falling back on videos and the boring recounting of my days with T-man. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, my readers, that I'm not more interesting, creative, or descriptive.

But then I remind myself that my writing style is different, and that's not always a bad thing. I can be inspired by others, but I need to embrace my own strengths and find peace in my writing. One of the reasons I started this blog was to embrace a new style of writing, so this is kind of a growing thing.

My 3 followers read this because there's something here they enjoy (OK, well, one of my followers is me), and the rest of you read this because I actually send it to you whether you want to receive it or not. I assume you would tell me if you didn't want to be one of the chosen 10. :)

Though sometimes I wonder if you read my posts, I feel compelled to continue writing. I guess because something that God is teaching me is that I have to put myself out there. To be truly great, you have to practice, you have to try, and you have to fail (if that's what it takes). I am a master at staying within my comfort zone...in fact, the very idea of publishing this particular post scares me because it reveals more about me than I'm used to sharing with others, even those I love. But more than share pictures of my cutie, I want to inspire you, to connect with you, to share stories that make you laugh or cry, to share my struggles and triumphs and encourage you to share yours, to reveal the glory of God and how He prods me to be a better person and to lean on Him.

So, keep reading. I will continue to share photos and videos of T-man, but along the way, I will also share pieces of myself, and just maybe, you will read something that makes you laugh out loud, or smile throughout your day, or makes you think a little bit about life and the wonderful journey we travel together.

Feel free to share with me; I want to know what you think. Maybe we can swap some recipes.

Day 11 of the nursing strike, and I'm feeling better

Is stubbornness an inherited trait?

Well, I'm coming to terms with the idea that I may never again nurse this stubborn little boy. Now, I'm focusing on the freedom I'll have once we're fully weaned. I do plan to include this story in a speech at Trav's graduation or wedding or something...just to prove how stubborn (or persistent) he was from a very early age. I think he got some stubbornness from me. Not that I believe much in astrology, but I am a Taurus, and we're notoriously bull-headed.

Since I'm a silver-lining kind of gal at heart (not mentioned in Taurus astrology, hence, it's probably a crock), I'm starting to think about all the positives of not having to nurse or pump again:  I can leave the boy for longer than 3 hours, I don't have to worry about keeping the milk at the right temperature, other people can share in feeding time, and most importantly, I don't have to wonder if I'm going to get bitten anymore. So, this could be a good thing...

He's really standing on his own, Abbi is just barely supporting him!

In other good news, Travis is crawling EVERYWHERE! I'll leave him in his room and then call him from the kitchen, and he'll crawl down the hallway and through the living room as fast as his chubby knees will let him. It's pretty cute. He's also starting to stand up, with help. I think he'll be walking soon, which is both awesome and scary. He's learning to clap, and eat real, solid food like cantaloupe, watermelon, Cheerios. It's really messy, but pretty neat. I just realized that we don't have any videos of crawling or eating, so I'll try to get some for you this week.

Standing up with help from the coffee table

Happy Easter to All

Family Photo

We had a wonderful Easter; this year, we visited Pappaw and Mimi in Baytown, and then hunted Easter eggs in Jasper. Travis had such fun with his cousins and loved being spoiled by aunts, uncles, pappaw, mimi, mawmaw, cousins and everyone else we met. That boy is going to turn out rotten!! I've been waiting for the stranger anxiety to kick in, and sometimes it seems like he's a little uncomfortable when we're not around, but I've seen family pass him around for hours, and he's still happy and giggly. I'm thankful he loves people so much, but I confess I still kept an eye out "just in case."

Travis had such fun playing with his cousin Adrian, who is a month younger. They sat in Uncle Tim and Aunt Sherryl's laps in Jasper. Adrian kept trying to take Trav's binky and finally succeeded. It was hilarious! I love watching Travis laugh with MamMaw, and the aunts and uncles. They know just what to do to make him giggle.

The nursing strike continues; we are now at day 8. My heart is no longer breaking, and I'm starting to turn to formula. I'm not entirely happy about it, but I have such trouble drawing out milk that I know I can't do it for the next 4 months. I know that he'll be fine, and that he still loves me (well, as much as an 8-month-old understands love). I will check with the Dr., but I'm preparing myself to be done with pumping when T turns 9mos.

Life rarely sticks to the plan I have mapped out in my head, and I generally try to go with the flow. But this threw me for such a loop that I was wholly unprepared for it. Ken recently reminded me that I need to be flexible; we strive to live drama-free lives, and I've been acting pretty dramatic lately (some might call it childish). There is generally a reason behind everything that happens, and though we can't see it now, someday we will. I just need to trust God that all will be well, and that Travis will still be a smart, happy, fun baby--even on formula!

Easter egg hunting mission-impossible-style

Put the egg in the basket

Yep, right here...in the basket

Yay!

With Aunt Sherryl, Uncle Tim, and cousin Adrian (who just took his binky)

Pappaw with his grandchildren 

Travis and cousin Alyssa

Day 3 of the Nursing Strike

So, here we are at day 3 of the nursing strike. It started Tuesday morning after Travis bit me 3 times, and I told him no and put him on the floor to play. I didn't realize it was a strike until Tuesday evening when I thought back over how little he ate all day and the big fit he threw when I tried to feed him dinner. We've been using bottles because any time he thinks I'm trying to feed him, he starts screaming and crying like he's being tortured. So here we are...and my heart is breaking.

Sure, I know he still loves me; he follows me around the house like a puppy, and cries when I get too far ahead. He crawls towards me when I'm on the floor, and wants to be held while he plays with his toys. I know it's not a rejection of me. I know he's scared, teething, and in pain, and doesn't want to keep biting me. But there's a difference in knowing all that, and then listening to his screams, and watching his little lip pucker and the tears start when I try to cuddle him. I'm trying to be patient and upbeat, but surely he knows something is wrong, and my distress continues to keep him away.

I had planned to wean early, but I hadn't planned to wean at 8 months, and certainly not like this. He still can't drink regular milk, and I worked so hard to get him off of formula in his first few months that I refuse to put him back on it for 4 more months (until he's 12mos and can drink milk). Since I am an information gatherer, I've already done tons of research to discover what is going on and what I should do. Babies don't self-wean before a year, so I know it's not that. It's likely that he got scared after he bit me and I yelped. The prevailing suggestion is to have patience. Great, just what I'm good at, but meanwhile, my heart is breaking and my baby is crying.

Dear God, please let this end soon, and please don't let me give up...

Well, I won't be winning any mother of the year awards...

There comes a time in every blogging mother's life when she has to 'fess up and tell an unflattering adventure story. My time has come...

 Life would be so boring if there were only happy baby adventure stories, and our lives needed a little spice (apparently), so let me start out by saying that Travis is FINE! This morning we had a little bit of a scare: Travis fell out of a Wal-Mart shopping cart. I won't go into the particulars, but it had something to do with not being buckled into his car seat, and the car seat not being buckled into the shopping cart, and my back being turned... All of a sudden, I heard a loud bang, and turned to see Travis on the ground, crying for all he was worth. I picked him up and calmed him down, and he seemed quiet but subdued as we headed through the check-out counter. However, the friendly Wal-Mart employee's suggestion that I not let Travis fall asleep worried me a bit, so I decided to call the Dr. Now, I'm not one of those moms who call the Dr. for every little sniffle or cranky night, but I'm not messing around with a potential head injury.

Since I didn't see him fall and couldn't say if he hit his head (great, now I feel even worse), the nurse recommended I bring him in just to check. However, I forgot to ask if I could let Travis fall asleep, so I assumed that I couldn't, and I had to use mean mommy voice to keep Travis awake for the 40-minute trip to the Dr.'s office. As if he wasn't having a bad enough day already. At the Dr.'s office, I have to tell the story of my negligence yet again, this time to a Dr. we hadn't met before, and then again to another Dr., who was brought in to consult. They weren't taking any chances with a potential head injury either. Turns out, he's fine. He let them poke and prod his bruise, shine lights in his eyes, and look in his ears. They decided that, based on his behavior and how he looked, they didn't need an x-ray of his head. For not having eaten or had a nap in 4 hours, he was surprisingly happy.

So like I said, he's fine (though he will have quite a shiner), and I have learned a valuable lesson: NEVER, NEVER leave baby unbuckled in a car seat and turn your back.

My First Day

My first day as a stay-at-home mom started out great. Travis and I ate breakfast together: me-coffee and bagel, Travis: sweet potato. He made an absolute mess and loved every minute of it. Afterwards, he needed a bath, so he got one. Then, we headed to Wal-Mart for a few things. I put him in his kangaroo pouch so he'd be close and could look around if he wanted to, which he did! He then played on his mat for a while. So far, he can only go backwards and sideways, so most of the time, he just spins in a circle, but he has fun! He's learning to take the pieces apart, and loves to roll off the mat, so he needs constant watching. No telling what kind of trouble this boy will get himself into!

This afternoon, we went for a walk and the trouble started when we returned. He had only taken short naps, but that's not uncommon for him. He ate, and got very drowsy, but once I tried to put him to sleep in his crib, his little eyes popped open and he started yelling fit to wake the dead. So, I picked him up and rocked him gently. Put him in the crib--boy, those eyes popped open again, the bottom lip quivered, and the tears started. Well, maybe he's not really tired, I thought, and moved him to his swing in the living room, where he happily played until I disappeared into the kitchen to get some work done. He started screaming so loud, I thought he was hurt, but as soon as I came back into sight, he stopped crying....hmm, I thought. All afternoon, once I stepped out of sight, the crying started. Finally, I brought him into the kitchen where he sat in his high chair and happily played while I finished cleaning up. I tried to put him down for naps several times, but then the crying started. Finally, I just sat and rocked him. When he seemed calmer, I put him in his crib, where his eyes popped open and he started to cry. No, I told him firmly. You need to sleep. Then I walked out, and closed the door, hoping it would work. He cried (and screamed) for about 5 minutes...and then there was total silence. So, of course I checked on him. My little man is now sleeping soundly, swaddled up tight like a PF Chang lettuce wrap. All in all, not a bad first day, but tomorrow: longer naps.